2Last night I got some pretty devastating news and it’s taking me some time to process it. It’s no secret that my mom and I aren’t close so when I was told she needed to talk to me I was hesitant at best. But I called because that’s what we do, right?
I wasn’t prepared to hear her crying or to hear that a dear friend I’ve known since I was born and worked with as a teen has stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to multiple places including her spine.
I managed to hold it together until I got off the phone with my mom. As I sat here in bed my tears fell without me even knowing that they were there for quite some time. Sandy is strong and loved a great deal.
But reality is she has a hell of a fight on her hands. She has one of the BEST oncologists ..who just happened to be mine…and he will do everything he can to make her well regardless of money or anything else that stands in his way. That’s just Dr. Essig. She’s in good hands and I told her that last night when I called.
I gave her advice only someone who has been in that fight can give. I told her it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be mad as hell and it’s most certainly okay to feel like giving up. The trick is to NOT give up though. To find something every single day that makes you WANT to live.
She laughed at me when I said that some days the only thing that kept me alive was chocolate cake. I had a love affair with chocolate cake when I was younger and honestly at some of my weakest points during chemo I was really digging for anything to stay alive for and chocolate cake seemed enough some days.
Hey, whatever works, right?
I think the hardest part of this for me is that I don’t often think about being sick because it’s been so long. So when I hear things like this it all floods back in one big rush and I get overwhelmed because no one that is in my life now who I’m extremely close to was there for that part of my history. No one knows how sick I really was and I feel alone in this fear I get hearing things like this.
And no amount of words or thoughts will ever make anyone understand it unless they’ve been the one lying in that hospital bed fighting a war against an unseen enemy who is relentless and cunning. And my friend will lose a few battles and I told her as much….but the key is to win the war. Kick Cancer’s ass and show it who is boss.
Each and every second of every day is a gift that we take for granted. Today I take nothing for granted. Today I am thankful for everyone that has ever been in my life because you all served a purpose. And I am thankful that Cancer didn’t back down easily. I’m thankful for the lessons I learned and for knowing how strong I really am. But I’m also pretty damn glad I kicked Cancer’s ass and won my war.
I can only hope Sandy wins hers……………
sevseternalsunshine
